Dear younger me: LEOPARD IN THE SNOW.

Hey you!

It’s me [you 14years from now].To be honest, not so much of you has changed in me. Yes, we still laugh at everything and anything. It’s a peal of cackling laughter. Just in case you think, it’s not me, I have titled this letter leopard in the snow. Yes, it’s still one of my all-time favourite books(our reading cultures never stops).

Another thing that has not changed, well I know you just shed off some serious 30Kgs, but trust me, I do not know where it’s going to come from, but the weight will be back. And you will have some serious curves to go with it, and you are going to enjoy every aspect of your body. Yes, our doughnut will still be there. I’m mentioning weight here, because before I forget: when you will meet a guy called William: Turn-down his advances. It won't end well, he will want you to lose the weight. Yes,  utakua kichwa ngumu, and you will choose your happiness over him. I’m only going to tell you about this one guy because it is the one friendship I hated losing. So maintain that friendship and do not date him, I repeat, DO NOT DATE HIM!

One last thing, we do not get to marry Prince Harry. I know! Such a bummer. But you are going to love his wife. Not gonna tell you her name, because it will ruin the surprise. All I can tell you is that she is an American actress and she will drive some British people crazy for just being herself.

Our Prince Harry

We still love getting bad news first then good news last, but as you can see, I broke the rule on this letter. You’ll understand why.

Now, the one thing I wish I was told when I was your age was: Your life is about to get super s**** real fast. Yes, we curse, but only s*** [occasionally], all the other curse words are persona non grata.

So here’s the bad news. You are not going to become a doctor.

What! Take a moment to digest that. This is the one dream that took me some time to make peace with. I know, it is a lifelong dream, but we are never going to make it a reality. Had I known, my life was going to get so bad, real fast, that was the only thing I had wished to know.It will take you some time to make peace with, so had you known,I know life would have been different. I do not know if mum will ever make peace with it, sometimes when we talk about my life, I can hear the pain or is it regret in her voice of me not realizing this dream. And this is the reason why I am telling you this, so that you can also be there for her, and help her make peace with it. I realized it will break her more than me.

Aaannd nope. You do not get to be the disappointing child. What happened then? You ask.

Should I tell you, or should I not?

I know curiosity is killing you right now…lol(this is a full word we use in the future. You can start using it now. You’ll look way cooler. It means laugh out loud)

By now, I’m sure I have your undivided attention.So before I forget, on your third year in Campus, ensure to buy grandma a new microwave, you are seriously going to thank me for that!

So what happened?

Why will you never become a doctor?

Long story short. Your health is about to fail you. Guurrrrlll, you is about to get sick. Real sick, really fast. For a period of time, you are not going to be able to come out of the house. You will know why your body is failing you this much, but you will not comprehend it. Your health will fail you. Period.

So instead of studying, a huge chunk of your time will be spent on trying to stay alive.

But you will fight. You will not allow this to be the definition of your life.

I’m here right now, aren’t I?

So yes we make it.

I do not need to tell you to hug mum a little tighter, or enjoy life to the fullest, because you already know that. What I really want to tell you is take good care of mum, after you will be given a clean bill of health. I came to realize two things. One, a child being sick is somehow a normal routine, parents prepare for it. They know somewhere along the way, the child will get chickenpox, flu, a cough, malaria, but they know it’s the child’s body building up its immunity, so the child will get better.

Here’s the other thing I came to realize, no parent is ever prepared for a terminally ill child. You are 14 right now, so at no point were they ever going to think that you are going to be so sick. The thing that will hurt them the most is seeing you not getting better, but getting paler and paler each day. Where modern medicine does not heal you but just holds you from not flat-lining. I think this really traumatized them. And I think this haunts them.

It was a long road to recovery, but you made it. I’m not going to lie though, recently I called myself to a meeting(yes, we still talk to ourselves till date)and I really asked myself if I really want to have children. What if what happened to you, happens to them, will they be as strong as you? I was also afraid of ending up like mom and dad. Everybody took care of me, and worried about me, but not them. I do not think they ever moved on past it. Just recently, mum wanted me to apply for a medicine scholarship. After all, in her words “si ulikua unataka kua daktari…your destiny changed, but this can be your time.”

I have told her countless times, I moved on from that, and I made peace with it, but I don’t think they ever did. They see that their child did not die, but her dreams died, and it crushes them. And I hate that. I hate the fact that they are living in the past. They never really made peace with it. My dreams died, so I decided to have new dreams. We never really had a plan B, so I had to come up with one real fast.

What do I do right now?

You see that other thing we are really good at.That only one talent you have. I know you can’t run to save your own life, so stop thinking about running. But you know what I’m talking about. That is what I decided to pursue, and the number of opportunities and doors that have opened because of it, baffles me sometimes. Turns out the Bible does not lie when it says, your talent will bring you before great men.

I do not need to tell you this, for we’ve always lived our life to the fullest. Just in case though, you will live out loud, you will fall in love, travel, meet new people, discover new places, make life-changing decisions and you will be okay for you do not live in the past.

So take care of mum and dad, when you will get better. As you turn to the next chapter of your life, ensure you are with them on the same page.

One more thing, I know people think it’s weird how you do not like shaking hands,  but trust me 2020, will make them understand. So continue with that spirit.

I love you gal, It’s me Stella.

 

by Stella(not her real name)