Dear Younger Me: My Hero!

 It's one thing to have both parents and another when they are there for you. Sometimes I wonder why those who really never got to meet their daddy, try to find him when some of us really wished we had our mums alone. This is mean I know!! But I hoped it would be so as I grew up. Not anymore though. When people talk about their dads and what they've done for them, I'm mostly quiet thinking about the ugly moments I went through, or, silently praying that if I get married someday, my babies will have a daddy who is there for them. For this reason;

 Dear younger self, 

You will forever be my superhero: From being mistreated by your own aunty at a tender age of five after your parents separated and you were left behind; to facing a gazillion of false accusations some that were so unrealistic from that same aunty, life must have been so difficult.

At only 17, things got tough between your parents and they separated again, this time it was uglier, you were nursing kidney issues and bronchitis, you were left with a home to manage and a sibling to comfort and assure that all would be well even though you never had an idea how and when. Worse still you had to deal with a narcissistic dad who always poured his separation frustrations on you, and later on, rejected you to a point he never saw the need to educate you anymore.

Dear young self, do you remember that overdose that never worked as intended? It was a message from God, that your identity was in Him: not in your parents or the entire universe. If only you knew this earlier enough, too much damage wouldn't have taken place. I'm proud you pulled through though, happier that you got on your feet: dusted yourself and got your esteem back. There's too much I would want to talk to you about but we decided to let go, I must admit the healing journey is tough. Sometimes, I want to go down the memory lane and hate on everyone who maimed you; I want to blame them for dreams not achieved or a happy life not experienced, but gradually, I'm trying to forgive and find peace. 

 I'm now focusing on the positive side of it, that maybe I wouldn't be as strong as I am now, that I wouldn't be closer to God as I am now. All because of what you experienced, I never find value in dating, to me, loving a man is the hardest task I can ever do, I have broken several hearts, some who were genuine. I'm just afraid they would end up narcissistic, something I'm afraid to experience again.  Regardless, I'm glad through your experiences I can comfort a broken soul. Maybe there are days I will always wish your life was much better and all the fears and insecurities would be non-existent but I'm trusting in God enough for comfort and guidance. I never miss you but I'm glad you happened.


By Miss Anonymous   


The writer wishes to remain anonymous!


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